Moon discordant to Saturn
(power = 10.34 and this aspect is discordant = -15.51)
You have a great deal of ambition and drive to succeed, but you often doubt yourself. You lack confidence in your abilities and are unsure whether others are going to respond to you positively. You have no faith in yourself to overcome lifes obstacles which is why you often work yourself to the bone trying to demonstrate that you are worthy. You are highly insecure and are scared that you will fail. Often you cling to the things you have because you feel that somehow they will be gone tomorrow. It is hard for you to bond with others as you tend to keep your emotions bottled up. Instead, you attempt to purchase peoples love and loyalty. However, that is not possible; you need to acquire this with a genuine connection. How can people see the wonderful things within you if you cannot see them yourself? Your insecurities are so pronounced that when you are close to someone, you require them to consistently reassure you that they care for you, leaving the relationship strained in the end. Perhaps re-think your idea of what it means to be emotionally secure. Deep down you believe that you need to be someone else so that people will accept you or care for you. Many times you feel as though you are the odd one out in a group situation and will act cold and reserved, when the truth is that it is actually very important to you that you are involved equally. Due to your sensitivity, you are likely to wall up and refuse to let anyone in instead of facing the possible hurts and vulnerability that may surface by opening up to someone deeply.
Being cautious and keeping yourself closed off emotionally makes it a challenge to form a bond with someone. Taking time for yourself to reflect and work on personal growth can help you become stronger emotionally as well as allow you to feel more secure, however you need to defeat the tendency to view isolation as rejection and the lonely feeling that comes along with that perspective. You are prone to feeling anxious, irritated, and depressed at times. It seems as though somehow life always throws a wrench in the works when you are trying to achieve something. You may feel like the universe is working in opposition to your best efforts and that you alone must do the heavy lifting for humanity. You are not living this life by yourself, there are others around willing to help you and care for you if only you would let them in. In a past life, you expressed your feelings in an open and loving manner and were cast off because of it. Now you are scared to try again, instinctively believing that somehow you will be disregarded and hurt once more. Your perspective on how to become emotionally secure is incorrect; it is not about others and what they do or dont do, but about how you see things. Despite your cool, reserved demeanour, inwardly you are very caring and crave to love and be loved. Of course there is a chance that your feelings may be harmed, but that is part of life and each painful experience can help you grow if you allow it to.
This placement stands out amongst the others as it has a particularly strong influence. At your best, you gain wisdom by going through something yourself, as even when you do something wrong the information you have gained will carry you. During the most emotionally difficult times in your life, you find a way to rise back up; nothing can keep you down for long and you persevere through your challenges. You are greatly aided by the mental drive this placement bestows.